Searching for my Buffalo

Buddhist monk and scholar, the Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche, tells the story of a man who searched for his buffalo believing it to be lost. He searched, in the mountains. On the plains. On the beach. He wandered days looking for his beast only to return home without him. And then, he walked into the stable and discovered the Buffalo had always been there.

Some time ago, Thelma Box, founder and facilitator of Choices, said to me, "I experience you Louise as a woman who will never find an answer good enough for you."

Last night, I sat with my boss, the Executive Director of the homeless shelter where I work, who commented much the same insight. "You're always searching for answers. Looking for the gem of wisdom that will create a perfect world. It's already in you."

He was sharing his thoughts on my strengths -- and weaknesses. An informal performance review.

I laughed when he told me that and shared the story of Thelma's comment.

In Muslim faith, the oral tradition, known as hadith, shares the sayings and teaching of Muhammad from follower to follower. One written down 'truth' attributed to Muhammad, is, "Allah did not create any illness without also creating the remedy, except death [old age]."

In the Midrash Tanhuma, Jewish writings which form part of the Talmud, in Yitro 8, it is written, "There is no affliction for which there does not exist a cure."

Is there a cure for constantly searching for answers out there when the answers already exist within?

Like Rinpoche's farmer searching for his Buffalo, I search for answers out there in the world, never satisfied that the answer I find is the answer I need to make sense, to understand, to know all there is to know, to be all there is to be, to become all there is to become.

I search and in my searching go out into the world when within me, within my inner being, the path to knowing, to healing, already exists.

Always did. Always will. It is within me. It is my truth. I do enough. I give enough. I am enough.