What are you carrying?

Once there was a man who was lost in the desert. Tired, thirsty, frightened, he despaired that he would never find his way out of this place of endless rolling sand when suddenly, he crested a dune and saw on the other side a mighty river. With a hoop and a holler he raced to the water's edge and drank.

Satiated, he took a deep breath and looked to the other side of the river. Tall, leafy trees swayed to and fro in a gentle breeze. Green grass covered the ground in silky perfection. Birds flitted amongst the trees and the air was filled with their beautiful song. Across the river was heaven. Now that's where I want to be, the man thought. But, there was no bridge. No boat. Nothing to get him from where he was to where he wanted to be.

The call of that lushly beautiful place however, inspired him. He had to find a way to get there. He would build a raft, he decided. He searched the edge of the riverbank and gathered up whatever wood he found. With painstaking care he fit the pieces of wood together and built a sturdy craft. When he was finished, he eagerly climbed in and paddled across the river. With little effort he made it. He was relieved. He reached the other side, climbed out and lay down on the grass and reveled in the joy of having found his way out of the barren expanse of the desert to this paradise. He was happy.

The man looked around and saw a path leading into the woods. He didn't know where it went, but he was eager to find out. This place was so perfect he wanted to explore. Fearful, however, that he might come across another river, he picked up his craft, loaded it onto his back and set out on his adventure.

As the day progressed, the man grew weary. The boat was heavy but he could not put it down. This trusty boat carried me hear, he told himself. And I might need it again. And so, he kept walking and the boat got heavier and heavier until eventually, the man fell to the ground, the boat covering his body. He lay still. He could not walk any further.

Some time ago, one of my daughters and I were talking about an event that happened during the period when I was missing and she was lost in the hell of having been abandoned by her mother, me. When she told me what had happened to her during that time I felt sad and angry. But, I could not change what had happened -- I could only help her deal with the feelings that still reside inside her and help her let them go.

Now, in the past, I would have wanted to get angry. To rail against the individuals involved, to blame them for what had gone wrong -- it's a great way to deflect the light from my accountability, my role in what happened! Truth is, for my daughter, there was no rule book entitled, "10 things to do to make sure you're okay when your mother runs off with a psychopath and deserts you."

I mean really, what woman in her right mind would do that? Oh right, I wasn't in my right mind back then. I was really, really sick.

Rather than rail against the pas and blame someone else for what I had done, I took my attention off the past, lovingly embraced myself for the wounded abused woman I was, and focussed my energy on my daughter who needed my loving attention.

She needed me. The past didn't.

That night, when we talked I didn't have the perfect words to say to her. I couldn't think of a bandaid big enough to close this wound and so I let her feel her own feelings while I simply sat and loved her with all my heart.

All I can do to encourage others to love themselves exactly the way they are, is to love them, exactly the way they are.

When we love ourselves exactly where we are, we let go of bitterness and unforgiveness of the past.We let go of blaming, the past, the people, the places and things that hurt us. In letting go of holding the past hostage for our pain today, we give ourselves the gift of forgiveness. I cannot change what I did in the past when I was in an abusive relationship. Just as my daughters cannot change what happened to them while I was lost.

What we can do is unhook the nubs of memory holding us in unforgiveness so that we can move with grace, ease and dignity into today without wrapping ourselves up in the prickly hairshirt of what happened back then when I was lost and falling hard upon the road of life.

Letting go of unforgiveness frees me from holding myself locked in the arms of the past where I did not know what I know now. Letting it go lightens my load.

My daughters are courageous and beautiful young women. That night as we chatted I felt again the power of love and its capacity to heal all wounds, to connect all hearts. Because of the love of my daughters, I have been given the gift of knowing -- the past is not the measure of our lives today. It's what we do with the past that measures our joy, love,and laughter today.

So often we we blame the past for our actions today. Ultimately, it is not the past that makes us do things to hurt ourselves today. It is what we do today in the name of holding onto the past that hurts us.

Like the man with his boat, when we choose to carry the burdens of the past forward, we walk pain-filled steps. When we choose to let it go, to release the pain so that we can move forward without fear of the past being the story of today leading into a fearful tomorrow, we give ourselves the gift of freedom to be all that we are meant to be. We connect to the promise of what our lives can be when we choose to Let Go and Live. Love. Laugh!

It takes courage, determination and love to Let Go. It takes compassion, for ourselves and for everyone in our lives. Holding onto the past keeps our hands busy and our minds encumbered. With our hands and minds filled with yesterday's flotsam we are not free to grab onto the limitless opportunities present in this moment where we see today through love-filled eyes and know, This is our one and only life. Let's live it up!

The question is: Is the past keeping you down? Are you willing to Let Go and LIVE!